Treasures Around Us

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Anxiety

Head Nods and Peace Signs

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My pre pandemic summers were almost always greeted with my feet dangling from a tailgate; parked, safe, happy and carefree…watching head nods and peace signs. Let me set the record straight about us deadheads. Some escape. Some enhance. Some do both. Now, let me set another record straight. Differences in choices and lifestyles are not invitations to be a jerk.

Once upon a time, I tried out for show choir. It was not for personal growth. It was not to showcase a talent. I just wanted to be a part of something…and I sucked at sports. I still do. Once upon a time, I associated acceptance with adequacy. Once upon a time, I allowed someone else to decide if I could sing and dance with others.

Thank goodness, many treasures are uncovered with time. Maturity helps us choose what perceptions we decide to call truth. These truths become values we store in a personal vault that is unlocked when decisions are needed. I have made many.

Today, the person accepting is me. I accept my actions. I accept my words. I accept my imperfections. I accept that some of my traits are a condition…not a personality. That is because today, I dance on grass…not a stage and my auditions require nothing but a good mood. Dance with me, friends.

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Shift: A Poem Dedicated to Recovery

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Today I smiled at my face in the mirror
For the first time in years
I picked up the pieces of what was a future
Whose weight once brought me to tears
I’m trading in my mask for some new mascara
And letting go to put time on my hands
The fog is thick and coated with wonder
But the clearing tells me I can

Shift into gear and drive out of the haze
Where demons dance on the roads of a maze
Where temptation dangles from every tree
And sin lives in shadows that no one can see

I wasn’t dizzy today when I lifted my head
So, I stretched to pat my own back
I’m re introducing myself to myself to forget
How to run with the pack
My goals spread their wings ’cause I’ve given them choices
So, I unite a need with a plan
While on my knees watching stained glass refelcting
I believe that I can

Shift into gear and drive out of the haze
Where the new air delivers a promise and praise
Where the truth doesn’t hurt ’cause it wears a new face
And I breathe to fill my soul of this place

 

to hear the version in song, click here

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Crazy Talk

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Crazy: when was it…how was it…that you last used that word? Did crazy describe a thought? Did crazy describe a thing? Did crazy describe a circumstance that threatened your comfort zone? Did crazy describe someone who, Heaven forbid, didn’t think or act the way you wanted them to? Is crazy a mental status? Our dictionaries say so. Is crazy a reaction to contrast? Our leaders say so.

We’re all crazy if crazy means different. That means you’re crazy. That means I’m crazy. Differences should strengthen relationships, not weaken them. But, strength requires sacrifice. Allow me to explain with a light hearted confession:

Parking lots…I don’t like them. They’re not the highest on the trigger list, but they almost always get the anxiety going. Anxiety is poor company. So, while I get front door service, my husband parks and walks alone. He walks alone with an empty hand that’s colder than mine because vestibules are heated. He walks alone by couples that are not separated by crazy. When we meet, he is kind. He always remains kind knowing that my illness hates his bucket list.

Does my crazy make me unlikeable or does it give me character? Is my husband crazy because he can overlook clutter or am I crazy because I can’t? Is he crazy for putting up with me or am I crazy for letting him?

When we define differences as crazy, we deny ourselves opportunities to interact. With that comes a risk of loss; the loss of more knowledge, the loss of more companionship. My daughter puts ketchup on her eggs and I think that’s gross. But, she will always be one of my favorite people.

Crazy is diverse. Crazy is crazy. If you open your mind, you may find something or someone that you don’t yet realize that you need. You need the person that walks alone in parking lots for you. You also need to accept the people that won’t. Crazy is diverse. Crazy is crazy. You need to love the person who puts their crazy aside to put yours first. You need to accept those who never will. That is their right.

My friend, you too have rights. You have the right to tolerate. You have the right to remove. You have the right to love. You have the right to practice caution. Above all, you have the right to live knowing with all of your heart that you are a treasure!

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The Break Up

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Hello, January. We need to talk.

But, before I begin, it’s important to know that the first pieces of these thoughts were formed years ago…when I wasn’t brave enough to confront you.

January, you disguise yourself as a new beginning but, you are nothing but a reason to procrastinate.

You are an enabler.

You want all of my changes for yourself so you throw obstacles at my goals all year.

By keeping my fear of failure at a distance, you’ve slowed my personal growth.

Now, I resent you.

January, I can no longer overthink your expectations.

And, I don’t need your bandwagon of resolution seekers to help me figure out where or who I need to be.

What if I don’t desire to be drastic?

What if I choose to just simply maintain?

January, my focus and motivation are greater than your need to control thanks to eleven other months.

From now on, a brand new start or simple change is going to happen when I want it to.

Good things come to those who wait.

Great things come to those who don’t.

It’s not you, it’s me.

 

Click here to watch the spoken word version.

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